How do I find other asexuals?

I am asexual middle aged woman but I want an emotionally intimate relationship, a boyfriend. In the past I have told all my boyfriends I was asexual none of them believed me and things never worked out .I would always end up having very unpleasant sex with them then dump them because I had to lie about enjoying it or they would be closeted gay men and lie to me.What can I do? The same thing happens with women so I am not a lesbian, I wish I were.